The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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