worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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