Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
she peed on how many people?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
