It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
