so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
