: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
