We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
