Those balls look pretty dangerous.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
