uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
