yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
We need to get me chipped asap
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
