Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
