i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
