my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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