I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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