I wanna bring you to show and tell
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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