Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
