Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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