I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
