I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
