shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
