Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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