he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
she looked like the before picture.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
It's never too late to be topless.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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