You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
