Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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