Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
