My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
