dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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