My girlfriend figured out who you are.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
