Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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