Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
