matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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