I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
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i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
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I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
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