I molested 6 butterflies tonight
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
