He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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