i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
