How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
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We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
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We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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