omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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