Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
