Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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