I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
