we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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