I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
