I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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