pedialite and red bull = repair kit
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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