two words: eviction party
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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