Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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