I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
