I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
