Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
