I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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