i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
