Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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