he thought i was a dude.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
