drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
