you would pick up someone in the library
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
