Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
