Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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