I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
