I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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