i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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