She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
is wine microwaveable?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I want a musical about memes.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
