Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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