im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
