guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
