with your own penis?
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
